...I want to do with my life.
I want to become a university professor.
At first it was just something I thought would be a logical career trajectory. But after watching the video below, I realize that the best place where I can be the person I really am is at a university.
I want to be surrounded by people who are smart, thus challenging myself to be even smarter. I want to be in an environment that requires you to learn. I want to be part of an institution that believes in the acquisition and transmission of universal knowledge. I want to enable the dreams of some, and crush the dreams of others. I want to be where excellence is not encouraged, but demanded.
This is not just a blabber at two in the morning about how some proverbial light going off in my head. It's not the delusional product of a tired mind.
I believe I can do this. I believe I should. And I will.
"Professor Landayan, sir."
Monday, September 6, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Being a bad student
I was never really a good student. I mean that in two senses: First, I took the little opportunities of annoying my teacher by staging an interview right in the middle of the lesson. Masking it as an innocent exposition of the lesson took up as much time as possible without being intrusive. Second, I was never good at studying. I never liked it, I don't like it now, and I don't think I'd ever come around to liking it. Only when there were major exams would I study hard. Studying pretty much consisted of reading the summaries provided at the end of each chapter in our textbooks.
Based on the Buddhist belief that "what goes around comes around," they say that if you were a bad student, your students won't be as kind to you when you become a teacher. And what you did poorly as a student will come back to haunt you as a teacher.
My students' overall behavior has so far been controllable as much as it is tolerable. Yes, sometimes it's annoying especially when you'd rather be doing something else worthwhile, like sleeping. You'd rather your lesson go as smoothly as possible but your students are a coordinated orchestra of noise. Sometimes you let them know how much you don't appreciate it, give them a tongue lashing as offensive as your profession would allow. But sometimes you just let them finish what they need to say to each other, a few minutes of their own time to satisfy their oral fixation. Show your disgust, but say nothing. So far so good. I can't say any of my students genuinely despise me.
It's being a student again that I am more anxious about. Taking my entrance exam for my graduate studies, I encountered many of the things I studied by rote when I was in college. Having to resort to intelligent guessing is not always the best way to pass an important exam. It made me realize that I might have to take these courses again. Perhaps the Buddhists failed to mention that what comes back around perceived as bad will be reacted to differently the second time around. Given the chance to study Linear Algebra, Modern Algebra, and Modern Geometry (sources of sleepless nights and furious heart palpitations) again, I won't pass up the chance to do better.
I'm in this profession because I enjoy being in school as a teacher and as a student.
Yuck.
Based on the Buddhist belief that "what goes around comes around," they say that if you were a bad student, your students won't be as kind to you when you become a teacher. And what you did poorly as a student will come back to haunt you as a teacher.
My students' overall behavior has so far been controllable as much as it is tolerable. Yes, sometimes it's annoying especially when you'd rather be doing something else worthwhile, like sleeping. You'd rather your lesson go as smoothly as possible but your students are a coordinated orchestra of noise. Sometimes you let them know how much you don't appreciate it, give them a tongue lashing as offensive as your profession would allow. But sometimes you just let them finish what they need to say to each other, a few minutes of their own time to satisfy their oral fixation. Show your disgust, but say nothing. So far so good. I can't say any of my students genuinely despise me.
It's being a student again that I am more anxious about. Taking my entrance exam for my graduate studies, I encountered many of the things I studied by rote when I was in college. Having to resort to intelligent guessing is not always the best way to pass an important exam. It made me realize that I might have to take these courses again. Perhaps the Buddhists failed to mention that what comes back around perceived as bad will be reacted to differently the second time around. Given the chance to study Linear Algebra, Modern Algebra, and Modern Geometry (sources of sleepless nights and furious heart palpitations) again, I won't pass up the chance to do better.
I'm in this profession because I enjoy being in school as a teacher and as a student.
Yuck.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Do teachers miss being students?
I'm applying for my Masters Degree in Education at the university I graduated from. It has been exciting for me gathering the requirements for my application. Somehow, going back to school and being in a classroom as a student again is something to look forward to. It's funny how when I was a student, especially in my last year of college, I wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible. Now as a teacher in the classroom every day, I look forward to going back to being a student. Perhaps, it's just trading the stress of one role for another. Or it could be taking them both on at the same time at different times of the week. Either way, I look forward to it. At some point standing in front of a class for all those hours, don't teachers just sometimes wish they could just go back to being the person sitting on the other side?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Why are you a teacher?
What might run through your head as you try to answer this question:
Philanthropist
I am fulfilled by being a better part of a lot of people's lives. It's enough for me to be able to share the knowledge and skills I have so that others may pursue to become their best. Having better individuals is the foundation of a better society. That is the role of education after all: For individuals to be equipped with knowledge and skills to be productive citizens that contribute to society. Through teaching, I affect other people's lives and my influence outlives me.
Narcissist
I teach because I can and I know how to. I like being able to tell people what to do, bluntly pointing out their mistakes, and watching them cringe and squirm in their seats as they contemplate their inevitable failure. A god-complex if you will. A classroom is the perfect place to set up a reception of this worship.
Superficial
I like to think a lot of people like me. It's the inherent human quest for fraternity and belonging. A classroom is a setting where a teacher can be liked right away by students many times over.
Philosopher
I would like to actively participate in the "corruption of the minds of the youth." It means to bring students to a point of "cognitive dissonance" such that you challenge what they know, most powerfully, their beliefs. It is only at this point that you can correct misconceptions, and add knowledge. A locked window pane won't allow any water in, unless there is a crack.
Practical
I will never run out of a job. Anywhere in the world, teachers are employed regardless of capacity. Further, teaching "how to learn" makes a teacher adept at learning himself. This high learning quotient also helps a lot of teachers learn new jobs in different fields that can make them even more employable.
By no means are these accurate as they came from the top of my head. Maybe I'll come up with a method to plot a graph of how much of each any teacher has in them. Maybe I'll make a research out of it, even.
A complete waste of time.
If you have anything to add, hit the comments.
Philanthropist
I am fulfilled by being a better part of a lot of people's lives. It's enough for me to be able to share the knowledge and skills I have so that others may pursue to become their best. Having better individuals is the foundation of a better society. That is the role of education after all: For individuals to be equipped with knowledge and skills to be productive citizens that contribute to society. Through teaching, I affect other people's lives and my influence outlives me.
Narcissist
I teach because I can and I know how to. I like being able to tell people what to do, bluntly pointing out their mistakes, and watching them cringe and squirm in their seats as they contemplate their inevitable failure. A god-complex if you will. A classroom is the perfect place to set up a reception of this worship.
Superficial
I like to think a lot of people like me. It's the inherent human quest for fraternity and belonging. A classroom is a setting where a teacher can be liked right away by students many times over.
Philosopher
I would like to actively participate in the "corruption of the minds of the youth." It means to bring students to a point of "cognitive dissonance" such that you challenge what they know, most powerfully, their beliefs. It is only at this point that you can correct misconceptions, and add knowledge. A locked window pane won't allow any water in, unless there is a crack.
Practical
I will never run out of a job. Anywhere in the world, teachers are employed regardless of capacity. Further, teaching "how to learn" makes a teacher adept at learning himself. This high learning quotient also helps a lot of teachers learn new jobs in different fields that can make them even more employable.
*****
By no means are these accurate as they came from the top of my head. Maybe I'll come up with a method to plot a graph of how much of each any teacher has in them. Maybe I'll make a research out of it, even.
A complete waste of time.
If you have anything to add, hit the comments.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Exercising restraint
Some days are harder than others. Today was one of them.
My new schedule has me doing four classes Tuesdays to Fridays and five classes on Mondays. As it stands I have a total of 21 teaching hours a week. This is a direct result of my own choice to take up another subject, and I understand the work and consequences that come with it. I'm not complaining. I have no reason to.
If that's not enough to chew on, you still have to deal with kids. Yes, goats.
There are days when you just feel like going over to your student, grabbing him by the neck, squeezing his voice box in, punching him in the eyeballs, slamming him against the wall, all the while shouting expletives that has to do with how he came out of his mother.
But they're kids. And even though their age does not exempt them from being disrespectful, you still have to show restraint when they are. You can't go around stomping someone in the face even if it was warranted.
I was previously warned about how disrespectful the kids in my school could be. I didn't think I'd encounter it and I really thought I'd be prepared to handle it properly if it happened. I was just taken aback by a kid in my class asking me to dance in front of the class for him. It's as if you're teaching and someone throws a wrench into your engine. Personally, that was just a different level of disrespect that I had never encountered before. It was our first meeting as a class, these kids didn't know me, and to say that to someone you don't know in the real world for no reason other than being plain stupid, you'd deserve a punch in the face.
My parents used to say that I would have to control my temper if I was to become a good teacher. And it's true. I can lose my temper easily and I just might end up doing something I would regret. But years of education has taught me that I have a job to fulfill, a role to play in these kids' lives. Expending energy on this one kid would have wasted the time of the students who really wanted to learn. At the end of the day, I am there to teach. I have to be professional.
So I stared at him with disdain, utterly disgusted by this low-life act of stupidity. I suppose he got the message. He shut up for the rest of the period. I understand that the school has its own protocols on how to handle such cases. But I took this one personally. I recognized it as a moment where I could exercise professionalism, and it took a lot of composure to put the kid in his place without hurting him. If it does happen again, that means the kid needs professional help, and I will give him that.
Each class is a war of attrition. Picking your battles can help you win the war.
My new schedule has me doing four classes Tuesdays to Fridays and five classes on Mondays. As it stands I have a total of 21 teaching hours a week. This is a direct result of my own choice to take up another subject, and I understand the work and consequences that come with it. I'm not complaining. I have no reason to.
If that's not enough to chew on, you still have to deal with kids. Yes, goats.
There are days when you just feel like going over to your student, grabbing him by the neck, squeezing his voice box in, punching him in the eyeballs, slamming him against the wall, all the while shouting expletives that has to do with how he came out of his mother.
But they're kids. And even though their age does not exempt them from being disrespectful, you still have to show restraint when they are. You can't go around stomping someone in the face even if it was warranted.
I was previously warned about how disrespectful the kids in my school could be. I didn't think I'd encounter it and I really thought I'd be prepared to handle it properly if it happened. I was just taken aback by a kid in my class asking me to dance in front of the class for him. It's as if you're teaching and someone throws a wrench into your engine. Personally, that was just a different level of disrespect that I had never encountered before. It was our first meeting as a class, these kids didn't know me, and to say that to someone you don't know in the real world for no reason other than being plain stupid, you'd deserve a punch in the face.
My parents used to say that I would have to control my temper if I was to become a good teacher. And it's true. I can lose my temper easily and I just might end up doing something I would regret. But years of education has taught me that I have a job to fulfill, a role to play in these kids' lives. Expending energy on this one kid would have wasted the time of the students who really wanted to learn. At the end of the day, I am there to teach. I have to be professional.
So I stared at him with disdain, utterly disgusted by this low-life act of stupidity. I suppose he got the message. He shut up for the rest of the period. I understand that the school has its own protocols on how to handle such cases. But I took this one personally. I recognized it as a moment where I could exercise professionalism, and it took a lot of composure to put the kid in his place without hurting him. If it does happen again, that means the kid needs professional help, and I will give him that.
Each class is a war of attrition. Picking your battles can help you win the war.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Students are not enemies
Disliking a teacher and not liking a teacher are two different things. On one hand, for a student to dislike a teacher, a prerequisite event involving teacher and student, particularly unpleasant to the student, has to have happened. Or the teacher might possess an inherent quality that students don't want anything to do with. On the other hand, a student not liking a teacher does not necessarily mean that the student doesn't want anything to do with the teacher. Perhaps, the teacher just doesn't elicit excitement from the student, good or bad. At least the student has no untoward feelings against the teacher.
Between the two, I would choose to be the latter. I still would like to be the teacher students remember, mostly, if not only, for the reason that he or she learned something valuable from me--math or otherwise. My students don't have to like me. I'm not after a validation of my existence from the warm reception of other people. As long as I am able to be a good part of someone's life with their knowledge or not, then I can sleep at night.
But is it important for me to like my students?
In this the starting block of my career, I will answer "No". I don't have to like my students. But I should never dislike them. I understand that I have a role to play in the classroom and in their lives. It is one that requires the intangibles only growing up can provide. I just don't adhere to the belief that students are enemies and teachers are on the other side. This way of thinking does affect the teacher's performance.
Say you have a student who constantly misbehaves, another who seldom pays attention, and another who chews gum in your class after you just said that eating of any form is not allowed in class. As a person of moral ascendancy, you command respect. But these kids don't know any better. However, if you target them as "enemies" because your lessons are often interrupted, it doesn't help the student learn from their mistakes. "Children have the right to commit mistakes. But they also have the right to learn from these mistakes."
Disciplining them outside the classroom is not enough. Calling attention to their mistakes is not enough. A more proactive approach to disciplining would be ideal. I try to involve my students by constantly asking questions, no matter how easy. Sometimes, I just want to hear what they know or what they think about a particular point in the lesson.
I know I sound idealistic. But what's wrong with that if it helps me become a better teacher. Is it wrong to know what I want to do in my class, how I will treat students, and how I want to be treated? Let us not forget that we were all students at some point. We were all once kids craving attention, not really understanding the lesson, minds wandering, or just being plain mischievous. What did you learn from your teacher's scolding?
Students are not enemies. They're simply a reflection of who we were not so long ago.
Between the two, I would choose to be the latter. I still would like to be the teacher students remember, mostly, if not only, for the reason that he or she learned something valuable from me--math or otherwise. My students don't have to like me. I'm not after a validation of my existence from the warm reception of other people. As long as I am able to be a good part of someone's life with their knowledge or not, then I can sleep at night.
But is it important for me to like my students?
In this the starting block of my career, I will answer "No". I don't have to like my students. But I should never dislike them. I understand that I have a role to play in the classroom and in their lives. It is one that requires the intangibles only growing up can provide. I just don't adhere to the belief that students are enemies and teachers are on the other side. This way of thinking does affect the teacher's performance.
Say you have a student who constantly misbehaves, another who seldom pays attention, and another who chews gum in your class after you just said that eating of any form is not allowed in class. As a person of moral ascendancy, you command respect. But these kids don't know any better. However, if you target them as "enemies" because your lessons are often interrupted, it doesn't help the student learn from their mistakes. "Children have the right to commit mistakes. But they also have the right to learn from these mistakes."
Disciplining them outside the classroom is not enough. Calling attention to their mistakes is not enough. A more proactive approach to disciplining would be ideal. I try to involve my students by constantly asking questions, no matter how easy. Sometimes, I just want to hear what they know or what they think about a particular point in the lesson.
I know I sound idealistic. But what's wrong with that if it helps me become a better teacher. Is it wrong to know what I want to do in my class, how I will treat students, and how I want to be treated? Let us not forget that we were all students at some point. We were all once kids craving attention, not really understanding the lesson, minds wandering, or just being plain mischievous. What did you learn from your teacher's scolding?
Students are not enemies. They're simply a reflection of who we were not so long ago.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
The exhaustion that comes with it.
My day starts at 5:00am. By 5:30 I should have left the house otherwise I would be late. It takes me about an hour to get to school, where I spend the next nine hours of my day, sometimes even more than that.
You're lucky if you get three classes or less in a day. It takes a toll on your body and your mind. I don't like to use the word "stress" but that's probably what it is. I had four classes today and I had to take an energy drink just to make it through the last two lessons after lunch. It was that bad. It's as if each classroom you enter, your students suck the life out of you as you exert your energy to make the light bulbs in their heads go on. At the end of each day, you have to check their work, record their grades and prepare to do it all over again.
Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy this abuse. I wouldn't be in this profession if it wasn't for the idea that getting somewhere in life, and helping someone else get somewhere in life involves some form of suffering. Actually, a lot of it.
But the most draining part of my day is the commute back home. A ride that is more or less an hour in the morning takes three hours in reverse. I always sleep in the bus and it's disheartening when you wake up after an hour or so and damn, you're not even halfway there yet. I curse the brilliance behind the Metro Manila road and traffic authorities for their awesome job in planning that the densely populated areas have very small roads. Or it could be that there are just too many damn people in this country. It's too trivial, and I'm too exhausted to even suggest a solution to this perennial problem.
I still count myself fortunate. Imagine the teachers in the most rural areas of the Philippines who travel for about the same amount of time, even on foot, to get to students who travel under the same circumstances. Then they make the most out of meager resources in order to exchange ideas with their students and build their lives from next to nothing. Come to think of it, it's a little price to pay to be part of someone's life. Not everyone gets to do that. It might sound borderline fanatic, but that's why teachers get out of bed every morning and go to sleep willing to do it all over again: That some day one of those kids in that classroom will have the answers to these problems.
You're lucky if you get three classes or less in a day. It takes a toll on your body and your mind. I don't like to use the word "stress" but that's probably what it is. I had four classes today and I had to take an energy drink just to make it through the last two lessons after lunch. It was that bad. It's as if each classroom you enter, your students suck the life out of you as you exert your energy to make the light bulbs in their heads go on. At the end of each day, you have to check their work, record their grades and prepare to do it all over again.
Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy this abuse. I wouldn't be in this profession if it wasn't for the idea that getting somewhere in life, and helping someone else get somewhere in life involves some form of suffering. Actually, a lot of it.
But the most draining part of my day is the commute back home. A ride that is more or less an hour in the morning takes three hours in reverse. I always sleep in the bus and it's disheartening when you wake up after an hour or so and damn, you're not even halfway there yet. I curse the brilliance behind the Metro Manila road and traffic authorities for their awesome job in planning that the densely populated areas have very small roads. Or it could be that there are just too many damn people in this country. It's too trivial, and I'm too exhausted to even suggest a solution to this perennial problem.
I still count myself fortunate. Imagine the teachers in the most rural areas of the Philippines who travel for about the same amount of time, even on foot, to get to students who travel under the same circumstances. Then they make the most out of meager resources in order to exchange ideas with their students and build their lives from next to nothing. Come to think of it, it's a little price to pay to be part of someone's life. Not everyone gets to do that. It might sound borderline fanatic, but that's why teachers get out of bed every morning and go to sleep willing to do it all over again: That some day one of those kids in that classroom will have the answers to these problems.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
First day fairness.
Since it was the first time I met my classes today, I gave them what to expect from my classes this term. One of my expectations in my classes is "I do unto others what I want done unto me." It speaks of respecting one's self and each other--something to keep things in order. To get to know my students better, I asked them to write things about themselves on a piece of paper, one of them being "One thing you would like to do before you die." I was reading some of the entries that my students had written, when one of my students said, "Sir, ikaw, what's one thing you would like to do before you die?" I wasn't expecting this question and was pleasantly surprised to be asked this. The student reasoned that since I was reading what they would like to do, it would be fair for me to tell them what I would like to do myself.
In the spirit of fairness, I answered that I was doing what I wanted to do with my life: to be at the forefront of "the corruption of the minds of the youth." In other words, to be teaching.
My student was right. I only get out what I put in. So if I want my students to be responsive to my lessons, then I must be responsive to their learning. In the same vein, I coined another expectation in my class: No submission. No grade.
It is somewhat of a paradox to be a teacher and a student at the same time. I was sternly reminded that while I have become a teacher by trade, I am still a student of life and of my profession. It's my job to teach my students, but it's just as well if I learn from them.
In the spirit of fairness, I answered that I was doing what I wanted to do with my life: to be at the forefront of "the corruption of the minds of the youth." In other words, to be teaching.
My student was right. I only get out what I put in. So if I want my students to be responsive to my lessons, then I must be responsive to their learning. In the same vein, I coined another expectation in my class: No submission. No grade.
It is somewhat of a paradox to be a teacher and a student at the same time. I was sternly reminded that while I have become a teacher by trade, I am still a student of life and of my profession. It's my job to teach my students, but it's just as well if I learn from them.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
If only for my sanity, I write this post.
I write best when I feel strongly about something. This blog has been stagnant for a while since I simply lost a little interest in it. That’s not to say that I haven’t done a lot of thinking about my profession, which this blog is primarily about. But I was simply at a phase when I was trying to figure out what to do next with my life. And so this blog being not a necessity was neglected.
Nonetheless, a bit has happened since my last post. I worked for a tutorial center over the summer, I finished my thesis, and I graduated. Then after I was employed as an Academic Consultant for Mathematics at the country’s leading tutorial and review center. And here our adventure for today begins.
I was sent here to Cebu on January 18 to substitute for a Math teacher who had been sent to Manila for training. Three days later, he quit. His reasons being too weak to discuss on this blog, I will not bore you with them. But his weak reasons are the very reasons why my stay was extended to nearly a month.
Cebu is not a bad place. There’s good food, the place reminds me of my hometown Port Moresby, and the work’s not as taxing as it was in Manila. But after you’ve seen the place, and when you start realizing that the people you’re living and working with are very much different from you, you just want to go home.
There is much to be desired of my colleagues. You’d want a sensible discussion out of them to foster your intellectual and professional growth. That’s just something I’m not having here. Take this for example:
There is a fine line between being repressed and being curious. When you ask questions about sex without the influence of alcohol, with a smile on your face when there is nothing remotely funny about what you’re asking, you’re repressed.
It bothered me the most that the person asking the question was a female Science teacher 23 years of age. She was asking the gay English teacher about his sexual experiences. She was asking about anal sex. And this happened right after we had just finished having lunch.
Tell me what’s wrong with this situation? Tell me what good I can get out of that?
How about when you show your colleagues a picture of you and your friends from Papua New Guinea, she asks, “What are they, niggers?”? Yes, that’s how educated the English teacher is.
In four days, I’ll be back in Manila. This deployment to Cebu has left me uninspired and wanting. Wanting to get out of here. For fear of my sanity, I have started reading Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice, jogging, and talking to my girlfriend as often as I can.
In a month, my contract with this company will expire. I’ve learnt as much as I can and my experiences have exceeded my expectations. However, even with 22 years as an educational institution, this company still has a long way to go. This shows that not only the quality of schools in the Philippines should be raised, but also that of supplementary educational outlets like this one.
The need for good great teachers will never be satisfied. Here’s to working toward being one.
Nonetheless, a bit has happened since my last post. I worked for a tutorial center over the summer, I finished my thesis, and I graduated. Then after I was employed as an Academic Consultant for Mathematics at the country’s leading tutorial and review center. And here our adventure for today begins.
I was sent here to Cebu on January 18 to substitute for a Math teacher who had been sent to Manila for training. Three days later, he quit. His reasons being too weak to discuss on this blog, I will not bore you with them. But his weak reasons are the very reasons why my stay was extended to nearly a month.
Cebu is not a bad place. There’s good food, the place reminds me of my hometown Port Moresby, and the work’s not as taxing as it was in Manila. But after you’ve seen the place, and when you start realizing that the people you’re living and working with are very much different from you, you just want to go home.
There is much to be desired of my colleagues. You’d want a sensible discussion out of them to foster your intellectual and professional growth. That’s just something I’m not having here. Take this for example:
There is a fine line between being repressed and being curious. When you ask questions about sex without the influence of alcohol, with a smile on your face when there is nothing remotely funny about what you’re asking, you’re repressed.
It bothered me the most that the person asking the question was a female Science teacher 23 years of age. She was asking the gay English teacher about his sexual experiences. She was asking about anal sex. And this happened right after we had just finished having lunch.
Tell me what’s wrong with this situation? Tell me what good I can get out of that?
How about when you show your colleagues a picture of you and your friends from Papua New Guinea, she asks, “What are they, niggers?”? Yes, that’s how educated the English teacher is.
In four days, I’ll be back in Manila. This deployment to Cebu has left me uninspired and wanting. Wanting to get out of here. For fear of my sanity, I have started reading Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice, jogging, and talking to my girlfriend as often as I can.
In a month, my contract with this company will expire. I’ve learnt as much as I can and my experiences have exceeded my expectations. However, even with 22 years as an educational institution, this company still has a long way to go. This shows that not only the quality of schools in the Philippines should be raised, but also that of supplementary educational outlets like this one.
The need for good great teachers will never be satisfied. Here’s to working toward being one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)